Time & Change

Most people say that time changes things. You often hear the words,"just give it time" or "time will tell". Well, I don't believe that is the case. Time cannot act. Time is just space. It is a gift given to us by the One who loves us most. It is not to be used metaphorically, figuratively, or otherwise. It is to be used wisely. That is where the change is. Change is inside us and we're lucky enough to have the TIME to seek it.

While I was serving in Australia, my companion and I taught a less active member who was a young single man no older than 25. It had to have been the third or fourth lesson I had been in with him and we were discussing his concerns about how, in his mind, the church's expectations were too high. He expressed that he didn't think he really fit the scene. He felt that he couldn't be himself around the members because they were looking down on him for being different or they were judging him for his mistakes. As the words rolled off his tongue, I felt a knot begin to grow in my throat. I understood him. I have struggled for as long as I can remember with the way people look at me. I have never really felt like I fit in. My shy personality sometimes made me seem awkward or "stuck up"or unapproachable. Throughout high school, I was better friends with my young women's leaders at church than any of the girls. I tried really hard to fit but sometimes I felt like the only thing that got me was a reputation...and not a good one. As I prepared for my mission just months before this lesson, I often prayed about his very concern but never really got a solution to this common problem. However, after he finished speaking, I had something come to mind. I said, "Ryan, I don't want to change you. In fact, I am inspired by the exact person that you are. All we seek to do is bring you to Christ. You have a unique personality. We don't expect you to be like us or do what we do or say what we say. The people in the Church are not perfect but you cannot let that push you away. None of us are perfect. We all have problems. We all make mistakes. We are all individuals. The Lord gave you your personality. It is yours to keep and cannot be changed. Agency, however, gives you the ability to change your nature. Our mission is to invite you to come unto Christ because His nature is perfect."

I think those words may have taught me more that day than they taught Ryan. They taught me a lot about time. Time is not change. Christ is change. Every single day, the world around us becomes harder to live in. Society is at an all time low and is only getting worse. Why is that? Time? No. It's the increased absence of the nature of Christ. Change is controlled by our consistently evolving nature and the influence of Christ, our perfect unchanging example. I am converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints because it does not change. It is founded upon the perfect teachings of Jesus Christ. That is how I know that time changes nothing. Christ is unchangeable for eternity.

I know He lives.

the list of 17

Yesterday my good friend, Cole Rempel, told me about this 'list of 17' that his brother told him about that will assist in the pursuit of a wonderful spouse and I really like it...so I want to introduce it to whatever random people stumble across this. We all have qualities that we look for when we are on this roller coaster of a search for our 'one true love' in pursuit of our own unique happily ever after. The truth is, this earth is full of incredible people with whom we are remarkably compatible. Unfortunately, we only get to meet a very small fraction of those amazing people so we have to do the very best that we can with the opportunities we have to fall in love. For me personally, it takes a lot for me to fall in love but when I fall, I fall hard. So this 'list of 17' is really good for me because it helps me to be sure that I fall in love with the best kind of man for me. Okay, I'll get on with it...

The test is simple. You list 17 of the most important qualities that you wish to find in a spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/etc. in order from the most important to the least important. Then as you pursue new relationships (or evaluate your current one) you see how well they fit your standards and expectations...on paper...simple statements...no wiggle room for justification or excuses for 'blind' love. If they have 9 or more of the qualities you list, then you could probably spend the rest of your life with them and be perfectly happy. It doesn't seem like very many but as I made my list and went back to my previous relationships, few of them even got close. We all have room for improvement so nobody will get the perfect 17 but it leaves room to learn and grow together to EXCEED each other's expectations. Now that is a beautiful thing. I hope to be able to know when I get married that my husband is capable of developing all of the qualities I look for...which leads me to MY list!

This is what I came up with.

1. Very respectful of me (women in general).
2. Excites and challenges me.
3. Makes me feel safe and secure.
4. Can read/understand me without always needing words.
5. Temple worthy/loves the Lord.
6. Accepting of my imperfections.
7. Makes me want to be better.
8. Loves me unconditionally.
9. Loves my family.
10. GREAT with kids.
11. Good sense of humor.

12. Appreciative of others.

13. Feet firm on the ground.

14. Cares about health/fitness/hygiene.

15. Loves himself.

16. Gentle/mild tempered.

17. Fits my lifestyle.

So yeah, that's me. There are many other small things that are much less important but these are my big things. Now you should try! Even if you're already married, make a list and see how well your spouse fits! Don't do anything crazy if they fail...haha but look for ways to improve your marriage and see those qualities in your spouse because I believe that any two people who truly love each other and love the Lord can have remarkable happiness throughout their lives together. I'm only 20 years old and I am not too experienced in the 'real life' department but I know what I want, as unrealistic as it may seem sometimes, and I will get as close as I can to receiving all that I want.

I believe that everyone deserves the very best of everything so if you find that you aren't satisfied with something in your life, talk to God about it and maybe make a list. We are capable of much more than we can even comprehend. I love this life that I have been given no matter how hard it may be sometimes and I have promised myself that I will do the best that I can with it. Please do the same. You deserve it.

There's my two cents.

 Here's a lovely party picture of me on my 20th birthday a couple days ago with my super cute niece. :)

tummy issues

I've gotten a lot of questions about what is going on with me now that I have almost been home for 6 months on medical leave from my mission and it is a really difficult question to answer. I'm complicated, for lack of a better word, but after many ups and downs, I have part of my answer...What is going on with me physically?

Almost two weeks ago I found out that my gallbladder is only functioning 2%. For those of you who have never had gallbladder problems, having it only performing 2% of it's natural function is not pleasant. They say that anything under 35% can be exceptionally painful. So yes, 2% hasn't treated me particularly well. For the past 4 years I've had weird health problems. Nothing too freaky...and as a matter of fact, I never thought anything of it because it would last a day or two and I would be fine and it would be months before it happened again. The first time I noticed anything weird was about my junior year of high school. I felt sick a lot. I would get really bad stomach aches that would make me nauseous to the point of passing out. I even fell down the stairs once! Scary...but I still didn't do anything about it. I just assumed it was stress because I have a very close relationship with anxiety. Fast forward. Pre-mission. I had my call so I was anxious, excited, nervous, scared, very happy, and....I had migraines and stomach aches and random vomiting fits. Stress? Must be. Fast forward again. Mission. HIGH stress levels. Nausea always. Stress is normal on a mission but I can't contain it at all. I feel constant sickness. Fast forward. Post-mission. December, I went to the gym and my stomach was killing me. I could hardly stand up straight and I got super dizzy, with chills and all, on the verge of passing out. I get home. Vomiting fit. Awesome. Stress? Well, I've got a lot going on trying to feel physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy again so that has to be it. Fast forward one more time. 6 weeks ago. Vomiting in the middle of the night. Thought I ate something bad. Two days later, it happens again...and two days later, again. Then three days in a row. I can't eat without getting sick. Stress? I just started a new job and I was WAY out of my comfort zone. That could be it...but I need a doctor's note to go back to work. So I went to urgent care for the note and they took some blood tests, nothing. They referred me to a GI doctor. More blood tests, nothing. BUT I got medicine to help in the meantime and it works wonders. YES!! 12 days later, ultrasound and Hepatobiliary Iminodiacetic Acid (HIDA) scan. Ultrasound? All clear. Nothing. HIDA scan? Hallelujah!! Very low gallbladder function! Scheduled for surgery on April 2nd!

So yes, my tummy hurts. Luckily, I should make a speedy recovery, I'll be able to work, and could potentially return to the mission field around June. Nothing is set in stone yet but I am trying my best to be patient and prayerful in all that I do. I am so grateful to finally know what the problem is and that it is nothing major. Life is good! I am loving living here in Oklahoma with my sister and her sweet family but I miss my Arizona friends and family all the time! I am excited about the future and things are really starting to look up! The Church is true and HE LIVES!!

'Til next time!

Niece selfie.

H A P P Y spells.

I am not blessed to be one of those people who is just naturally happy all the time no matter what happens. As a matter of fact, I never really felt much of anything since I became a teenager because I didn't want to let anything affect the way that I feel. I still had good and bad moments but I just did my best to smile through it all. Now, however, I feel so many emotions every day that it is hard to keep track of them all.

In one week, I can officially say that I returned from my mission 4 months ago, but it feels like it has been 4 years. I write pages and pages of thoughts and feelings every single day but only every 6 to 8 days do I save any of it. I cry every day and I feel scared every day. I sometimes get angry about my situation which turns into screaming, ranting, and throwing things. Other times, I get so depressed that I don't wake up until I hear my sisters walk in the door at 3pm after a long day at school. I find myself desperately pleading with the Lord to get me through certain moments. This is no simple trial for me. It tries my patience. It makes me question my strengths and it targets my every weakness. However, I have come to know that I am one of the luckiest human beings on the planet and the Lord reminds me in my greatest moments of weakness.

Though my situation is difficult and day to day tasks don't always come easy, I have what I like to call 'happy spells'. I have moments of pure joy. It is joy unlike anything I ever felt before I served a mission. I'd like to introduce to you where those moments come from.

1. My family: The most dysfunctional, functioning unit I have ever been a part of. They are everything. They are my identity, my sense of humor, my embarrassing moments, my biggest critics, and greatest support. When I think of my 9 siblings, 3 nephews and niece on the way, and my parents, no matter what they do or say or where I stand in their lives, the knowledge that they are eternal gives me so much comfort. They are my bridge when the ground has fallen from beneath my feet and that alone puts a smile on my face. I love them more than I have ever loved anything.

2. Spencer Petersen and his family: My first love, first kiss, complicated high school sweetheart, boyfriend, and missionary. He is the smile on my face and every hope and dream I have ever had. He lifts my burdens without even needing to hear about them. He's stronger than he would ever admit and the most humble person I know. He loves me and loves the Lord. He sends me his study notes and always encourages me to get closer to my Savior. He has so much faith in me and my future and always wants what is best for me. I adore everything about him and love him dearly. His family is my silent strength. They love me and treat me like family. They teach me about life and love. They are some of the most selfless people I have ever met and I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to know them so personally. I wouldn't trade those relationships for the world.

3. My sweet nephew, Rivers Jaren Hamel: I don't know what it is about this baby but I love him so much. I could spend every moment of my life holding this sweet little guy and be perfectly happy. I love all of my nephews but I feel a special connection to this little one and his spirit is so precious and perfect.

4. "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister: Read this book. It has given me so much comfort and understanding. I am at my happiest when I feel close to my Savior. I absolutely love to learn about His sacrifice and love for me. I have found so much strength as I have read through the pages of this book, some chapters over and over again, and I highly recommend it to everyone. It is amazing.

My life is hard but it is great. The joy I feel because of these amazing influences I have in my life make every moment worth it. Light will always overcome darkness.

The Early Return

So I believe that this is the fourth time I have created a blog so hopefully this one will be more of a success rather than a "post two and a half times and get bored" type a thing. In case you are confused/lost/other, my name is Shailyn. I am currently 19 years old and I recently returned from the Zion Australia Adelaide mission...early. What happened? Well, let me tell you...

On March 18, 2013 I received my mission call.

"Dear Sister Hamel: 

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Australia Adelaide Mission...You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, July 31, 2013..."

I had never felt as scared, nervous, excited, or happy at any point in my life as I did in the moments that it took me to spit out those words in front of my family and few friends. It was real. I was going to be a missionary in Australia! The first one in my family of seven kids of which I am the fifth. I could not have been happier.

Much to my surprise, the time flew by. I was never too nervous. I was ready. I could not wait to serve. This was my time. The Lord had called ME! After months of waiting, 3 farewell talks, a setting apart, and lots of tears, my mom and sisters drove me up to Utah to say their final goodbyes for what we had anticipated to be 18 months. They drove me up to the curb, helped me get my luggage out, hugged me quickly, and that was it...

I was a missionary in the Provo MTC for 11 days and they were the best 11 days ever! I had the best companion, remarkable teachers, the greatest district and zone, and an incredible time. I learned more in those 11 days than I had learned in my life up until that point. After those 11 days, I was lucky enough to be sent straight to Australia and after a canceled flight, a night in a hotel, and 24 hours of traveling I finally arrived in the beautiful city of Adelaide! That evening I was assigned my trainer, Sister Eldredge, who would teach, challenge, love, support, and humble me a lot in the next 7 and a half weeks.

Yes, I was only in Australia for 7 and a half weeks and it was the most challenging time of my life. My first week there the problem started. I knew if it kept getting worse that I would have to decide whether or not it would be best for me to return home. I hated that idea. I was so sure that would never happen. I knew that the Lord sent me there for a reason and He wouldn't send me home early...right? Wrong. It got worse. I tried my absolute hardest every day. I worked as much as I could for as long as I could. It was so hard and it only got harder. I'm not going to go into detail about what happened to me but it was awful. I prayed 20+ times a day for comfort. I was receiving blessings, guidance, council, and inspiration daily. The more I received, however, the more I lost control. I was alone and afraid. I knew nothing and no one. One night, I was hysterical. Every moment of every day was painfully difficult. I could hardly catch my breath long enough to call my Mission President's wife. She comforted me the best she could with loving words and reassurance that no matter what happened, everything was going to be alright. Her words echo in my mind still as I reflect on that night. She told me, "Sister Hamel, it is okay to go home. You are not a failure." After we hung up, I was still in pretty bad shape. Those words were so unsettling. The Lord needed me in Australia and I thought I was totally blowing it. I fought with those words for a matter of minutes before I finally took a deep breath and thought to myself, "Sister Hamel, maybe you should just go home." In that moment, I was overcome with a feeling of remarkable peace. The decision was made. I was going home and the following Thursday, I made the long journey back to the States.

Unfortunately, most people cannot understand any reasoning for an honorable early return much like I couldn't while I was serving. As a matter of fact, I was still struggling with it for the first couple weeks I was home. All I wanted was to go back. I couldn't think about anything else. I wanted to be a missionary. I wanted to complete the work that the Lord had called me to do. My call letter clearly stated that I was to serve for a period of 18 months...but now I've learned.

I learned many many things but there are 3 very important principles that I have learned through this series of experiences. First, I learned that the Lord's timing is perfect in an incomprehensible way. He knew what had happened to me and what would happen and he placed me in the perfect place at the perfect time with the perfect people to go through something that would change my life forever. Second, I learned that my family really is eternal in a very literal way. The moment I saw them again I knew it because I loved each of them with a love that could not possibly end. It consumed my whole being and I could not contain my emotions. The third and most important thing I learned is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. He did not just suffer for our sins but for our pains, afflictions, and infirmities of every kind. Every single one. He was below all. I know that there is an extraordinary, perfect being who knows exactly what I have been through. He felt it long before I did. He knows me perfectly and I have never understood how that is possible. In fact, I still cannot fully understand it but I bear witness of Him. I know He lives. Jesus is the Christ, the Savior and Redeemer of the ENTIRE World. I know that to be true.

I loved my mission. It was the single greatest experience of my entire life and if I could go back right now I would. Unfortunately, I have at least a 6 month recovery time but that is just fine. Maybe one day I will return and complete the last 16 months of it but if not, I know that the Lord has his hand in all of this. I know that I left for a divine purpose and returned to fulfill that purpose. It may not have been anticipated but I know that He is with me and He is standing by me. I am still learning every day and becoming stronger with every passing moment. I have a testimony of missionary work and the divine and sacred calling it is to serve especially during this great and last hastening. I know the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith and I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a true and living prophet of God today. I am grateful for both the Bible and the Book of Mormon and the messages of peace and joy that they bring into the lives of millions of people every moment. I love my Heavenly Father and older brother, Jesus Christ.

I hope this has helped those of you who were wondering about me get a little clarity. I am doing well. I have good days and bad but I know everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to. Thank you to those of you who have supported and loved me through all of this. I cannot thank you enough. I love you all!

Also, if you want to read the emails I sent home while I was serving you can click here!